Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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