I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
