R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
