One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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