my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
