A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize