my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
