Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
