i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
