im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
