He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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