I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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