In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
