i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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