You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
