She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it because I queefed?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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