I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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