I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
