I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
