What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
