Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
