Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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