So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
