I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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