So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
