help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
