Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
