ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
