I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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