Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
