Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When did angry sex become our thing?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
