After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Houston, we have a blender
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize