I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
