I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
