I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
