so explain again why im purple
no
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
