I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
honey bunches of taint.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
