If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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