Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
