beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this will be a night to untag.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
