I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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