In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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