You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
