I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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