Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
