question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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