I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
