Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
