Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
