Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
