Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
