the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
