I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
