areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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