They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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