On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
