The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize