A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
should my penis look like a turkey
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
