The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
