He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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