Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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