Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
40s are totally the cure
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
