Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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