I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
