Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my being single is dangerous.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
