yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
