well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had to cum in my sink.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
