You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
