I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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