Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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