please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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