My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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