I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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