I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize