maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
