my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize