Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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