if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
