we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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