What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
