wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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