I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
