We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
