We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
