you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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