The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
