I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
