Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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