Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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