Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
