Can i not drive my cunt home
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
