im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
