Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
