I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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