my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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