Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
