I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
FUCK WHALES
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
