sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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