When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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