Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
