thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
